Fuzzy Parts

So I'm in this place. There is the outside. Kind of a funny view that I'm sitting in this body. Sitting at this table with my hands moving and stuff coming out. Then inside my head there's another me. A dreaming person just wanting space to fill in all the gaps that I'm feeling outside of me. To just take up air in my lungs and leave everything else kind of slow and still. With eyes closed its way easier. To sit in this place and listen to everyone else. Conversations, computers, lights, air, laughter, copiers, doors opening and closing, the world outside the windows. It's endless outside of here and inside. So why so bored? Why would sitting here create some illusion of life outside not filling me with being? Does this happen to you? Does it happen to all of us? Something must be wrong.

The stuff we read, the decisions we've made. The understanding that the world is flexible, fluid, and made more out of the space in-between things than the things itself. That's how I'm feeling now. To look and be in those spaces. Maybe it's from bicycling. Of moving in-between places being more of an experience than at those places sometimes. I think of my life like that. When sadness came or joy came. They arrive inside of you. Where did they come from? I decided not to think about where I was and how I was feeling when I got there. Instead I think about the journey. The place here and now which is actually, movement. We're never still. Life is never still. This I see now is a transient sort of understanding. As an artist this is important for me. So much of my life is wrapped up in making things. Now the making and the things can be done together and I believe that's what needs to happen in a revolutionary experience for the world and the mixed consciousness that exists. The controllers and the controlled. I think alot about the Burmese monks walking in the rain. I love them. The want for change is one thing. The desire for something new is another. To do something to invoke change is yet another. But, what change do you want? Where do we want all of this to go? That's what I'm feeling. Deep inside I'm feeling stuff has to change. Not personally that seems a part of it but, in a big worldly sense. I have wealth and understanding. My life is comfortable and easy. I love so many things but, I don't need to be loved back. To see the world through these fuzzy kind of eyes and let it be real to me. The fuzzy parts. Let that be real.