I'm back. 6 months later?

Now I'm back at the blog thing. I kind of found this because, a friend invited me to be on his blog. And then I found mine.
It's a perfect day in LA. Overcast and cool. I got into work early so I have this extra time to send out my thoughts before I need to go and do stuff. My time spent here at work has been full of loathing, acceptance, and rejection. It's just really difficult to feel connected here. I think more about work than I do about my own art and it really troubles me.
Last night I was in the studio, writing some letters to friends and painting some stuff and I kept thinking about work. I hated it. Not being fully committed to my art practice is fine with me because, of my belief in balance. Everything needs to feel balanced but, right now it's definitely not This life with 40 hrs of a job and then the studio shoved into the spaces between eating and sleeping is putting me into a strange state of mind.
I need to keep creating. People want to see new stuff. I want to make new stuff. But, I need a few days of just straight art making. It's so hard to juggle everything but, I know it's going to be like that for awhile. Who knows how long maybe forever.
One thing that has really helped me is riding my bicycle. Something so simple yet so rewarding. It feels great to ride but, it's so stressful to ride in Los Angeles. Since I'm commuting I'm out there with all these morons rushing off to their jobs. I have to call them morons. Everyday I feel my life is blowing by me at 30 miles an hour. This morning this big ass work truck with a trailer buzzed by me and on the other side of me was this jersey wall. I couldn't believe that asshole. Because, of the wind he creates and that stupid wall and my literal 6 inches I was from his truck I was just holding my line to keep from going down. Something like this happens all too often.
About 75% of the time, the offending vehicle stops 50 feet down the road. At this point I usually get excited. It's my opportunity to retaliate. I did NOT flick him off or yell ASSHOLE which is what I was thinking. Maybe it was too early, maybe I was just in a different space or the saddest thing could be maybe I'm getting use to this shit. I just rode on and I'm still wondering why.
I'm really vocal when I'm on my bicycle and I'm constantly taking a lane or cutting cars off. Ringing my little bell. Just letting them know I'm out there. I have a right to be there and if they're going to drive like shitbrains then I'm going to show them I'm not going to take it. I feel like I need to fight back to let people know the road is for me too. So to just ride on was kind of against my whole bicycling philosophy in Los Angeles. In one letter I was writing last night I said how we need to spread a love virus in the world. The opposite of 28 Days Later. Maybe this will all happen. I don't know.
About 10 minutes after I was almost killed something else happened. I saw a guy ride by with one leg. He was on a nice single speed with synergy wheels. I was track standing at a light and he was doing a loop in a gas station and before the light was green he was blowing by me. We were both going up this little hill and he was totally pulling away from me. It was incredible. I was trying to catch up with him but, he totally beat me to the next light and ran it. I caught up with him a few blocks later and saw him weaving through traffic and then he disappeared. I pulled up to the light and looked around and he was gone. I looped around in the crosswalk and waited for the light. I thought about how hard it must be for him to stop. How he probably never stops unless he's finishing his ride.
He's making his way through the streets in his own way. His own style. He rides in a way that I never could because, it's his world that he's riding in. I like thinking about that. When you're in a car, in traffic, your share the world with 100's/1000's of other people. You don't have choices you're stuck. Following the flow. I think that's why people floor it to red lights and drive super stupid. So that they can feel they're in some control with the world around them. But, they're not. It's a joke. But, on the bicycle you totally have freedom and control. Except when some crazy driver doesn't see you or thinks your going 3 miles an hour. Every bicyclist rides in a different style and they all make it to where they're going in their own way. We need some more of that free thinking and freedom out there.