moonshine

Yesterday was a strange day. The moon has been acting funny and it made me feel a rather distant yet familiar side of myself come awake and walk around me. The night before I was working on this batch of absinthe. It’s a mixture of moonshine, water, and pounds of herbs. The herbs soak in the shine and water and for the distilling process I needed to squeeze out all of the juices. So that’s what I did in the moonshine for a few hours. Squeezed by hand pounds and pounds of herbs. It was rather relaxing but, I think I absorbed most of its herbal power into my body. The next day I woke up like normal but, then once my body began moving things felt different. My pee smelled peculiar and then the rest of the day was rather strange and a cloudy vision seemed to fill me. On my way to work I decided to take a different route than usual. Could this be from an inherent chemical boost in creativity? I got to work faster than normal and felt like things were going well. Then my thoughts became dreamy and hopeful. Reality seemed tinged with beauty and far off yet closeness. This strange feeling of being here and no where at the same time. I felt stress. I hated being in my cubical and it was sending me into negative spaces. Those caves inside full of stalagmites and stalactites that have formed over the years with droplets of your fear and anger. I said things I didn’t need to say and I didn’t know why. I let the bats fly out of that cave and now I’m sitting at the edge of the cave shaking my head and thinking that the squeezing of wormwood and anise could be to blame for my tangled thoughts.
Well nothing is too blame. It’s just the way things seem to go sometimes. We are always looking for something in this world to hold on to and to feel confident will always be there with us. Part of that thing inside me that I carry around is my art even though it’s a crazy 20 headed monster that is hard to tame and is constantly digging into my soul for little things to call its own. Then it’s other people. Those people we love and care for. We make our lives fit together. Sometimes really well other times some pieces are missing or different turns are taken. We all need space to grow by ourselves and with each other. One morning will be perfect and you want to relive that moment over and over. Life feels wonderful and like everything you see is breathing and trying to talk to you. Other times the sunshine is empty and you just don’t feel like anything around you is real. Currently the smog laden city of Los Angeles is causing my hands to sink into the tar. The black boiling sea that surrounds me, hundreds of rivers all smoothed together with all these holes and places to navigate around. We’ll see what the next mornings bring and if this absinthe works out. . .