Today has been a strange day. For about 24 hours I have been feeling this extreme distress and bad taste in my mouth about life and existence here in planet USA LA. The below blog posts confirm this mental state that I had found myself in. A few things kind of contributed to this bewilderment. The main one talking to a friend of mine who got back from Somalia and hearing about how existence was there compared to here. She said people believe all these amazing myths of the overall comfort and ease that we exist in. Sure we’ve got some cool stuff and we have lots of things to do but, I think our souls are getting a little jacked up.
Like kids over there growing up in villages without electricity or phones asking about 50 cent? What’s up with that? That’s how we’re viewed out there. . .50’s cool but, really? He’s able to transcend to this level that reaches people’s consciousness and they’ve never heard his music. Just the idea of him is able to go to the deepest reaches of the world. That’s the power the United States has. But, on the flip side have you seen T.V. lately? Because, of the writers strike everything is reality T.V. or stupid game shows. It wasn’t very different before. It pains me to watch this shit. It feels like such a waste and distraction and it’s sad that other people in this world want to aspire to this level civilization. Jared Diamond wrote a great article that spells out what’s going on.
Here’s what I say. Let’s start checking ourselves into reality. Turn off some lights. Don’t check email from 9pm to 7am. Hang out with our friends. Read books, climb mountains all that shit. I know we all do that in our own ways but, it just feels like it needs to be said so hopefully it’ll be done more often. The revolution needs to occur in our consciousness and then it will spread to our actions. What revolution? The revolution that’s going to need to happen or this world is fucked! Read article above and watch Al Gore's movie.
I realized today that collective consciousness of this world moves in waves. I think all that energy from Pakistan, Kenya, Turkey, Iraq, and everywhere else hit the Los Angeles region around 10:30am yesterday. My blog homey Employee, was feeling this maybe a lot of you were. .. the waves have finally moved on. . we’re on those little humps now.
I’m glad I felt overwhelming emotions, anxiety, and confusion. . .Sure it's intense and isn't for everyone. That's what makes me who I am. . . For me it means that I’m not totally invested in this shit. I can go write poems now and do all kinds of other things I find beautiful. . .it feels good. . .I don't know what it is but, I've been feeling this energy a lot recently and it feels like something new in my life or that I'm starting to see this world with new eyes. ..
Much love.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
not long that gone
So i guess i'm not as gone as long as i thought i would be. Sometimes it's fun to take acid and watch movies. I think I take things too seriously and let everything overwhelm me. I'm feeling this tremendous disconnect this morning. This very real connection with work which i'm rejecting. My artistic creative energies have been re-ignited recently since i've healed from my injuries. It's starting to overflow and fill me up inside. All those emotions of care and wonder just flooding in and right now i feel like i'm drowning in all this emotion.
It's fine I know i got myself in this situation. I did a few things to let it all become what it is. I'm just waiting for that moment when i can float. The floating times come and letting all the compassion for living be there Let everything else slip away out of my nerves, thoughts, and feelings. I guess that's what it is. This outpouring that i want to give away. There's no one to send it to and if I try i believe it comes across as slightly insane, intense, not really acceptable by some. I guess that's what could be going on.
The separateness that I feel is kind of lonely, like it should be. No responses. Calling out in the sun filled room with everyone being idle and just glancing toward me. The sky coming down and touching me. Leaving me in a sate of almost ecstasy. Which i'm learning it's all about. Creating this almost ecstasy in the chaos of understanding.
I was thinking this morning that we have too much. We know too much. We're guided in this world by so much communication that it can continue the separated situation that i'm personally feeling. The blog is here to comfort. The networking websites. All these indirect people represented in static being and not much else. Then i'm here. Fighting it. Accepting it. Feeling an ease with it that's natural and not at the same time.
I like before when a phone call was a big deal. When a written letter really meant something. All this proficiency and glamor of talking to hundreds of people is losing something. Going back to another place is where i feel myself heading. . .I need to go there. My soul needs to go there. And what the fuck for?
For this fucking lamenting artist life. I'm not trying to play the tortured artist game. .. i know how that shit goes but, i think some artist's really do let themselves get twisted up in these knots. Wanting to be recognized for their contributions. They at the same time don't want to play the game. They don't want to "sell out" instead keeping their eyes focused on their own vision and nothing else. That's how it feels now. That vision is coming into focus. The need to look away from so many other things will help it be seen.
is it that easy? What else could it be? At least for me it's that way.... The infinite of too many distractions is leading the instinct of this life behind. The nature that we all grow from. To feel peace love and wonder. To know that today is yesterday and tomorrow is today. ..
It's fine I know i got myself in this situation. I did a few things to let it all become what it is. I'm just waiting for that moment when i can float. The floating times come and letting all the compassion for living be there Let everything else slip away out of my nerves, thoughts, and feelings. I guess that's what it is. This outpouring that i want to give away. There's no one to send it to and if I try i believe it comes across as slightly insane, intense, not really acceptable by some. I guess that's what could be going on.
The separateness that I feel is kind of lonely, like it should be. No responses. Calling out in the sun filled room with everyone being idle and just glancing toward me. The sky coming down and touching me. Leaving me in a sate of almost ecstasy. Which i'm learning it's all about. Creating this almost ecstasy in the chaos of understanding.
I was thinking this morning that we have too much. We know too much. We're guided in this world by so much communication that it can continue the separated situation that i'm personally feeling. The blog is here to comfort. The networking websites. All these indirect people represented in static being and not much else. Then i'm here. Fighting it. Accepting it. Feeling an ease with it that's natural and not at the same time.
I like before when a phone call was a big deal. When a written letter really meant something. All this proficiency and glamor of talking to hundreds of people is losing something. Going back to another place is where i feel myself heading. . .I need to go there. My soul needs to go there. And what the fuck for?
For this fucking lamenting artist life. I'm not trying to play the tortured artist game. .. i know how that shit goes but, i think some artist's really do let themselves get twisted up in these knots. Wanting to be recognized for their contributions. They at the same time don't want to play the game. They don't want to "sell out" instead keeping their eyes focused on their own vision and nothing else. That's how it feels now. That vision is coming into focus. The need to look away from so many other things will help it be seen.
is it that easy? What else could it be? At least for me it's that way.... The infinite of too many distractions is leading the instinct of this life behind. The nature that we all grow from. To feel peace love and wonder. To know that today is yesterday and tomorrow is today. ..
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Finally I'm back
So I'm finally back on this side of blog land. I've been spending most of my blog time on Mr. Shankley which has been fun. I think I've noticed something about blogging. It doesn't really click well when I try to express myself in an artistic fashion. I'm really passionate about my work and the media of the blog just doesn't feel right. I'm sure you can understand that. Mr. Shankley is fun and we get to talk all about the awesome bull shit of life! Foreverever in the Transcendelic is kind of like taking acid and then watching Pink Floyd's the Wall. Of course it'll be cool but, wouldn't it be cooler to be on acid out there in the real world?
I think that's an issue I'm dealing with. Where to take my acid. I emailed a bunch of my peps a copy of what you'll read below. It felt different to email individuals and give them something that was more like a document and could possibly be printed and read offline. So that's what I'll do from now on. Post that thing on here when I send it out. It's different it's something, it's me saying hello out here. ..
I'll still be around but, mostly hanging out at Shankley's. ..
1
Written with rainbows all along the bottom a horizon line is now there and the words
float above we’re looking all at the same time. This is a Myth.
2
Speak easy. Make your own intoxications. Build a fire and sit around it. Drink, talk,
and see what happens. Where will your heart and soul go without the visions and only
these hallucinations of existence that we wake up inside of everyday? A new vision was
calling out as we stared and fed the flames. Coyotes disappearing into the forest with
their tools. Painted warriors riding over the sky with molotov cocktails at their side. Five
sided stone put into place to sit for contemplation. A view discovered and the marks left
there on the ground. Turn it back and forth in your hand the black stoned mirror that
holds all colors is now yours to taste and touch. The host is given up as we go back to the
ground and turn it all into the dirt in our mouths. . . hairs that bend and wrap themselves
together to form chaos and understanding trap all those secret tattoos on the skull. Slow
sounds and sing strings touched as life is arranged and made wonderful.
3
The translations from the physical to the metaphysical and back again have occurred.
These internal thoughts are just as real as external existence. The mind has the ability to
manipulate and create reality. With a complete understanding of one’s power great
accomplishments can be made. It seems that humans have worked together to create
death and destruction rather easily. So what could happen to create the opposite? To
create understanding and peace?
"Human consciousness hasn't kept up with our technology, and if that
doesn't change it could threaten life on this planet."-1 [The assessment comes from renowned philosopher and scientist Deepak Chopra, who addressed a packedUN audience on December 26, 2007 on "Consciousness in the Pursuit of Peace."]
The minds eyes open multiply and focused thoughts will become visions. Envisioned
and a moment occurs when the leap is made from inside to outside. Action will occur to
sweep back at everything that has gone wrong and create a new meaning for everything
we believe in and connect with.
4
What is really going on? Is this a question that matters or could ever be answered? You
have to ask yourself that. I feel like I’ve been asking these questions my whole life.
What can I do to be a better person? What can I do to save the world? These questions
go on and on and help create the weights that hold us down so we have something to
struggle against. You wanted to push free from those arms that held you and start to
make up your own world to live in. That freedom never came completely being graced
with other possibilities that just formed clouds of reason as the trees that grew around
never took root and wither with soft limbs heavy with fruits never falling, and leaves that
chase themselves away. Then a few saplings do kiss the ground and sink themselves in
finding support and understanding for their roots of existence and stretch toward the sky
reaching for the Sun and being one with everything letting us be in their shadow and all
the wise men began singing. . . let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we die.-1 Corinthians 15:32
5
The Original Men. They were peculiar because, they communicated with the universe at
first hand. They could talk to God and nobody else could. The Goddess was gone and so
were the women who could talk with her. We still have these Original Men talking to
God and then talking to us. Fuck those guys. I want the Goddess back.
"A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it the superficial
appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense
of custom . . .Time makes more converts than reason."-Thomas Paine, Common Sense
6
.
Coordinating to the system . .
.
7
A whisper forming into screams
the rhythm of the day goes into itself
biting for its own tail as the fading time comes.
Shadows from those hands raised
in a lattice of orange and red perfect
for this overwhelming sense
desire to love the world
The light seemed still and darkness was above as the slow traces of morning light reached
out and touched her never ending moment and she is still there in the light. They swung
gently on a platform suspended among the ancients and she could hear them speaking to
her those hazel eyes stared off into the world for them. The air and light was perfectly
connected to her body. Inseparable where it touched her and where she touched it. First
moments in the trees even in rain, fog, sunshine, summer, or winter were the same. The
differences were finally gone.
People began turning it all off and sitting in darkness at first. Individually and then
together. Together in the shadow of creation waiting for the sun to come back again.
When the sun came everyone stayed and sat with it all day long until darkness welcomed
them. Something must have happened inside everyone. Some think it was natural. The
artificial suns in televisions, light bulbs, and computers had finally supernovae. So only
the real Sun was given a place to be with them. Chaos came first just like in the
beginning, a great explosion. People left it all behind. Leaving, trying to survive in what
was left as so many starved and perished. Mass suicide that was already occurring
anyway. Everything that had been made slowly burned and crumbled and went back to
where it belonged sunk into legend’s legends and memory’s memories.
She laid there still cocooned by the vestige of that world in clothes made by someone
never known, a bag of feathers wrapped around her, a piece of mutated tree torn from the
wreckage underneath, silver fillings in teeth, and black ink on skin. She closed her eyes
and rolled closer to feel their warmth touching all the cold places still felt inside. The
swaying took them back to darkness for a few minutes until they opened their eyes and
whispered her name.
I think that's an issue I'm dealing with. Where to take my acid. I emailed a bunch of my peps a copy of what you'll read below. It felt different to email individuals and give them something that was more like a document and could possibly be printed and read offline. So that's what I'll do from now on. Post that thing on here when I send it out. It's different it's something, it's me saying hello out here. ..
I'll still be around but, mostly hanging out at Shankley's. ..
1
Written with rainbows all along the bottom a horizon line is now there and the words
float above we’re looking all at the same time. This is a Myth.
2
Speak easy. Make your own intoxications. Build a fire and sit around it. Drink, talk,
and see what happens. Where will your heart and soul go without the visions and only
these hallucinations of existence that we wake up inside of everyday? A new vision was
calling out as we stared and fed the flames. Coyotes disappearing into the forest with
their tools. Painted warriors riding over the sky with molotov cocktails at their side. Five
sided stone put into place to sit for contemplation. A view discovered and the marks left
there on the ground. Turn it back and forth in your hand the black stoned mirror that
holds all colors is now yours to taste and touch. The host is given up as we go back to the
ground and turn it all into the dirt in our mouths. . . hairs that bend and wrap themselves
together to form chaos and understanding trap all those secret tattoos on the skull. Slow
sounds and sing strings touched as life is arranged and made wonderful.
3
The translations from the physical to the metaphysical and back again have occurred.
These internal thoughts are just as real as external existence. The mind has the ability to
manipulate and create reality. With a complete understanding of one’s power great
accomplishments can be made. It seems that humans have worked together to create
death and destruction rather easily. So what could happen to create the opposite? To
create understanding and peace?
"Human consciousness hasn't kept up with our technology, and if that
doesn't change it could threaten life on this planet."-1 [The assessment comes from renowned philosopher and scientist Deepak Chopra, who addressed a packedUN audience on December 26, 2007 on "Consciousness in the Pursuit of Peace."]
The minds eyes open multiply and focused thoughts will become visions. Envisioned
and a moment occurs when the leap is made from inside to outside. Action will occur to
sweep back at everything that has gone wrong and create a new meaning for everything
we believe in and connect with.
4
What is really going on? Is this a question that matters or could ever be answered? You
have to ask yourself that. I feel like I’ve been asking these questions my whole life.
What can I do to be a better person? What can I do to save the world? These questions
go on and on and help create the weights that hold us down so we have something to
struggle against. You wanted to push free from those arms that held you and start to
make up your own world to live in. That freedom never came completely being graced
with other possibilities that just formed clouds of reason as the trees that grew around
never took root and wither with soft limbs heavy with fruits never falling, and leaves that
chase themselves away. Then a few saplings do kiss the ground and sink themselves in
finding support and understanding for their roots of existence and stretch toward the sky
reaching for the Sun and being one with everything letting us be in their shadow and all
the wise men began singing. . . let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we die.-1 Corinthians 15:32
5
The Original Men. They were peculiar because, they communicated with the universe at
first hand. They could talk to God and nobody else could. The Goddess was gone and so
were the women who could talk with her. We still have these Original Men talking to
God and then talking to us. Fuck those guys. I want the Goddess back.
"A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it the superficial
appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense
of custom . . .Time makes more converts than reason."-Thomas Paine, Common Sense
6
.
Coordinating to the system . .
.
7
A whisper forming into screams
the rhythm of the day goes into itself
biting for its own tail as the fading time comes.
Shadows from those hands raised
in a lattice of orange and red perfect
for this overwhelming sense
desire to love the world
The light seemed still and darkness was above as the slow traces of morning light reached
out and touched her never ending moment and she is still there in the light. They swung
gently on a platform suspended among the ancients and she could hear them speaking to
her those hazel eyes stared off into the world for them. The air and light was perfectly
connected to her body. Inseparable where it touched her and where she touched it. First
moments in the trees even in rain, fog, sunshine, summer, or winter were the same. The
differences were finally gone.
People began turning it all off and sitting in darkness at first. Individually and then
together. Together in the shadow of creation waiting for the sun to come back again.
When the sun came everyone stayed and sat with it all day long until darkness welcomed
them. Something must have happened inside everyone. Some think it was natural. The
artificial suns in televisions, light bulbs, and computers had finally supernovae. So only
the real Sun was given a place to be with them. Chaos came first just like in the
beginning, a great explosion. People left it all behind. Leaving, trying to survive in what
was left as so many starved and perished. Mass suicide that was already occurring
anyway. Everything that had been made slowly burned and crumbled and went back to
where it belonged sunk into legend’s legends and memory’s memories.
She laid there still cocooned by the vestige of that world in clothes made by someone
never known, a bag of feathers wrapped around her, a piece of mutated tree torn from the
wreckage underneath, silver fillings in teeth, and black ink on skin. She closed her eyes
and rolled closer to feel their warmth touching all the cold places still felt inside. The
swaying took them back to darkness for a few minutes until they opened their eyes and
whispered her name.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Fuzzy Parts
So I'm in this place. There is the outside. Kind of a funny view that I'm sitting in this body. Sitting at this table with my hands moving and stuff coming out. Then inside my head there's another me. A dreaming person just wanting space to fill in all the gaps that I'm feeling outside of me. To just take up air in my lungs and leave everything else kind of slow and still. With eyes closed its way easier. To sit in this place and listen to everyone else. Conversations, computers, lights, air, laughter, copiers, doors opening and closing, the world outside the windows. It's endless outside of here and inside. So why so bored? Why would sitting here create some illusion of life outside not filling me with being? Does this happen to you? Does it happen to all of us? Something must be wrong.
The stuff we read, the decisions we've made. The understanding that the world is flexible, fluid, and made more out of the space in-between things than the things itself. That's how I'm feeling now. To look and be in those spaces. Maybe it's from bicycling. Of moving in-between places being more of an experience than at those places sometimes. I think of my life like that. When sadness came or joy came. They arrive inside of you. Where did they come from? I decided not to think about where I was and how I was feeling when I got there. Instead I think about the journey. The place here and now which is actually, movement. We're never still. Life is never still. This I see now is a transient sort of understanding. As an artist this is important for me. So much of my life is wrapped up in making things. Now the making and the things can be done together and I believe that's what needs to happen in a revolutionary experience for the world and the mixed consciousness that exists. The controllers and the controlled. I think alot about the Burmese monks walking in the rain. I love them. The want for change is one thing. The desire for something new is another. To do something to invoke change is yet another. But, what change do you want? Where do we want all of this to go? That's what I'm feeling. Deep inside I'm feeling stuff has to change. Not personally that seems a part of it but, in a big worldly sense. I have wealth and understanding. My life is comfortable and easy. I love so many things but, I don't need to be loved back. To see the world through these fuzzy kind of eyes and let it be real to me. The fuzzy parts. Let that be real.
The stuff we read, the decisions we've made. The understanding that the world is flexible, fluid, and made more out of the space in-between things than the things itself. That's how I'm feeling now. To look and be in those spaces. Maybe it's from bicycling. Of moving in-between places being more of an experience than at those places sometimes. I think of my life like that. When sadness came or joy came. They arrive inside of you. Where did they come from? I decided not to think about where I was and how I was feeling when I got there. Instead I think about the journey. The place here and now which is actually, movement. We're never still. Life is never still. This I see now is a transient sort of understanding. As an artist this is important for me. So much of my life is wrapped up in making things. Now the making and the things can be done together and I believe that's what needs to happen in a revolutionary experience for the world and the mixed consciousness that exists. The controllers and the controlled. I think alot about the Burmese monks walking in the rain. I love them. The want for change is one thing. The desire for something new is another. To do something to invoke change is yet another. But, what change do you want? Where do we want all of this to go? That's what I'm feeling. Deep inside I'm feeling stuff has to change. Not personally that seems a part of it but, in a big worldly sense. I have wealth and understanding. My life is comfortable and easy. I love so many things but, I don't need to be loved back. To see the world through these fuzzy kind of eyes and let it be real to me. The fuzzy parts. Let that be real.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
time again to spell out the stars and lines
We said goodbye and hello. Seeing above the smog was kinda tricky today. It took sometime to sit and think.
Ride my bicycle through traffic and home again. Eat the same thing as before and then back to the wondering.
Loving it all needing it all and being what you want the world to be.
Honest and understood.
Hands still as old music plays you've maybe heard a 100 times and each time it sounds perfect for where you're sitting and what you're feeling.
Ride my bicycle through traffic and home again. Eat the same thing as before and then back to the wondering.
Loving it all needing it all and being what you want the world to be.
Honest and understood.
Hands still as old music plays you've maybe heard a 100 times and each time it sounds perfect for where you're sitting and what you're feeling.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Turn Again and Turn Towards This Time
I stumbled home at 4:30am. I love LA.
This is it. This is my life and I am no longer waiting for it to begin.
Right now I am listening New Order’s version of Ceremony. It’s been on repeat since October.
Foreverever had a party on his rooftop last night following the bike treasure hunt that I could not participate in.
I, the BF, and some other friends watched a series of the lauded, 365 plays instead. It’s a great concept, but man it’s lame. I don’t regret going, and I feel inspired, just not blown away. Drinks followed, then the rooftop party in the toy district. Foreverever has a great studio.
Our neighbors invited us over for drinks when we got home. It was already late, but I was game. Not a big drinker, in fact, I am rarely seen with booze in hand so last night was special.
I could spend my years trying to analyze the lyrics of Ceremony, but the general feeling I get is of the urgency of this moment. This fucker is here and then its gone. And you can do what you want, feel anything you want, but the moments, they are just going to keep passing you like indifferent busses, groaning and ambling away from you.
My parents did their best to give us what we needed, but they couldn’t shield me from the horrors of the Teen Years, in the 80s no less. I did a great deal of letting the busses pass me by. I existed in a state of unwanted-ness, and I ensured that, languished in it, comforted by Echo and the Bunnymen, Joy Division, and the Smiths.
Still love those bands, but now my answer to this moment is Yes, and they make a great soundtrack.
At the after hours soiree, these tunes played. The host alerted the guest to her relatively recent boob job. One of us replied, “I noticed those were great boobs.” And we were encouraged to feel them. They felt great. Technology is so amazing. We learned a lot about how they were installed, saw BEFORE shots, felt them again. We also learned that this was the woman’s way of getting back at her now ex-boyfriend. She knew that he was cheating on her, so she somehow got him to pay for her boob job, then broke up with him shortly after. “PAYBACK! You dumb motherfucker. This is what I call PAYBACK! Look at these things, they’re amazing, and I told him to take his ten thousand dollar ring and shove it up his ass. This is the best break up gift ever.”
As I said, I love LA.
This is it. This is my life and I am no longer waiting for it to begin.
Right now I am listening New Order’s version of Ceremony. It’s been on repeat since October.
Foreverever had a party on his rooftop last night following the bike treasure hunt that I could not participate in.
I, the BF, and some other friends watched a series of the lauded, 365 plays instead. It’s a great concept, but man it’s lame. I don’t regret going, and I feel inspired, just not blown away. Drinks followed, then the rooftop party in the toy district. Foreverever has a great studio.
Our neighbors invited us over for drinks when we got home. It was already late, but I was game. Not a big drinker, in fact, I am rarely seen with booze in hand so last night was special.
I could spend my years trying to analyze the lyrics of Ceremony, but the general feeling I get is of the urgency of this moment. This fucker is here and then its gone. And you can do what you want, feel anything you want, but the moments, they are just going to keep passing you like indifferent busses, groaning and ambling away from you.
My parents did their best to give us what we needed, but they couldn’t shield me from the horrors of the Teen Years, in the 80s no less. I did a great deal of letting the busses pass me by. I existed in a state of unwanted-ness, and I ensured that, languished in it, comforted by Echo and the Bunnymen, Joy Division, and the Smiths.
Still love those bands, but now my answer to this moment is Yes, and they make a great soundtrack.
At the after hours soiree, these tunes played. The host alerted the guest to her relatively recent boob job. One of us replied, “I noticed those were great boobs.” And we were encouraged to feel them. They felt great. Technology is so amazing. We learned a lot about how they were installed, saw BEFORE shots, felt them again. We also learned that this was the woman’s way of getting back at her now ex-boyfriend. She knew that he was cheating on her, so she somehow got him to pay for her boob job, then broke up with him shortly after. “PAYBACK! You dumb motherfucker. This is what I call PAYBACK! Look at these things, they’re amazing, and I told him to take his ten thousand dollar ring and shove it up his ass. This is the best break up gift ever.”
As I said, I love LA.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Dust to Front
Ooooohhh Shit. Now I found it. Typing and some music. So tonight was kind of like any TGIF. I made it to the studio after work and made more make believe. Then I got home to clean up and work on the shine and absinthe in the works. Once things were finishing up I decided to drink a half glass of absinthe. A proper dose if you will. The only other time that I’ve drank absinthe is with my dad at the Czech embassy in Washington D.C. So whatever I made isn’t the same thing but, it’s strong probably attributable to the high alcohol content. Anyways, I’m glancing at lights and feeling in a certain sort of place that most artists find themselves in the romantic sense. And now I’m wondering why I’m typing any of this. I’m listening to Codeine. Remember those dudes? It was like emo make out music back in the day. So know I’m relating this experience of me ingesting these herbs and this sugar and yeast thing I made and the affects it’s having on my consciousness. All of our consciousness. Because, now you’re reading this and it’s all being introduced to you and entering you. Soon I will be brushing my teeth and begin a new journey to dreams and darkness but, before then something has to be said. Maybe it’s a part of what I’m feeling. The motions I was performing tonight. Alone in darkness with fire and altering substances. The thought of being a shaman and living that feeling more than I know. I like being alone and it causes some conflict. I miss my friends and then I don’t. Times like right now have happened to me over and over again. But, instead of a leather covered sketchbook to write in I have this blog. So here’s the stuff minus drawings of what is going on.
It’s all progressing and certain guilt is being felt. The world is dying slowing yet fast enough we can see it coming and we still build, love, and create in order to survive. The crawling hands pull back at the leaves that are forever gone. We wait to see when the sky is understood and nothing else has ever been that orange. All brilliant all lies. Laying it down to be eaten. The sun of the moon and all the things that go with it. The terrible truth is crawling across the counter. Find comfort with those ants they’re just living like you. No wisdom no smoke no sage it’s all in just us I guess. We could be feeling this because, a poison has entered us said to be a black bile it runs through us creating all the shadows and disbelief. What will we all do? What can anyone do? Watch that blur in your eyes come true. The dancing and shouting will keep happening to you.
It’s all progressing and certain guilt is being felt. The world is dying slowing yet fast enough we can see it coming and we still build, love, and create in order to survive. The crawling hands pull back at the leaves that are forever gone. We wait to see when the sky is understood and nothing else has ever been that orange. All brilliant all lies. Laying it down to be eaten. The sun of the moon and all the things that go with it. The terrible truth is crawling across the counter. Find comfort with those ants they’re just living like you. No wisdom no smoke no sage it’s all in just us I guess. We could be feeling this because, a poison has entered us said to be a black bile it runs through us creating all the shadows and disbelief. What will we all do? What can anyone do? Watch that blur in your eyes come true. The dancing and shouting will keep happening to you.
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