It’s finally not hot anymore. We’ve had a little heat wave here in the Los Angeles region of the United States and it’s been very unbearable. I grew up in a very humid and hot place in VA so I was trying to think why the heat here was so much worse. Two reasons. I don’t have my parents AC and they have no “real” trees here. The trees make such a difference. So the sun is setting in the west and my body has this awkward feeling of the skin being a little sticky and tense. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling but, every few seconds a breeze blows across the back of my neck so that keeps me in my skin for a while. It’s been a day off from work and in that day, I got a ton done. Cleaned the parts of the house that I live in, updated my website, organized photos and now it’s more work into the cool eve. Moonshing will begin soon but before then I felt like sharing a rambling thought of life with you all.
I couldn’t get into the studio today because, the heat would have made art making terrible and frustrating. I got some time to get things done so I’m not too worried about it. Just like life you have to avoid those tense moments in the studio. I feel like life is full of all these moments of restraint and understanding and I’ve been seeing that I am not always what I want to be. But, then what is it that I want to be? Right? Do you ask yourself this? Every morning are you questioning what you’re doing and where you’re heading and in the evening an uncertain sadness might creep into you. I’ve seen this happen to people I love and myself. What can give us a constant state of insurance? Like my bro. . .over on the other blog we wonder when we can trust others and when we can trust ourselves. In the work place it’s one thing and in our life and relationships it’s another. This struggle for understanding and happiness will go on and on I guess and I’m just embracing the riddles and troubles and going for a ride. I’ve known this for a really long time it’s just nice to remind myself that it’s way easier than it seems sometimes. You have to follow you heart. Toward people, work, art, everything and then that feeling of doubt doesn’t really appear so often..
Sometimes the front of my head hurts and the back of my neck tingles. Especially if I’m drinking a smoothie and it’s super hot out and also when I miss the people I love and it feels like they’ve disappeared. What is that? What is so powerful about loving those around us that we feel immediate pain and wonder all consumed in us at once? We’ve shed tears, shouted, and been angry, wanted to run away, forget who we are and do something we would have never dreamed of 1 minute earlier. We can destroy these connections that exist between us with a few words or gestures. With almost nothing at all everything that is here and there between us can vaporize and we’re left with those roots inside us burning for the life they once had outside of us and in another.
The heat kind of tests these things. It makes us not ourselves and if we can just relax and hopefully have cool water to cover ourselves in then we can make it through it without catching on fire. The cool water of our thoughts and feelings. Maybe I’m delirious but I want you to know I’m out here and I love you. Where ever you are. Is this why the middle east is in so much suffering? I know many reasons are apparent but, isn’t it strange how a lot of suffering in the world occurs in hot dry places and the peaceful countries are in cold dark places?
2 comments:
On days like this I think of riots. Monday would have been a great day for a riot. I think of the climax of Do the Right Thing and I pause near windows, boom boxes, and trash cans.
Last night, on my way home from suckling on summer’s final moments, there seemed to be a great deal of siren related mayhem on the streets. It seemed like we were constantly pulling over for fire trucks. Maybe an army of Curious Georges wreaked havoc on the 911 system, or one of them threw a squirrel into a transformer. Hard to know when you are just rubbernecking. It was hot and the power was out in a section of Koreatown. No TV, No AC, No lights, just a lot of people on the streets getting ready for the riot, and this Bitchy Poodle was ready for a good burn down.
Made it home without incident.
Keep up the good work.
Post a Comment